Chain Breaker

Hello, my name is Sam and I am a prisoner.  

And I have forged my own chains.  

Nearly a year and a half ago, I celebrated three years alcohol free.  I had a nice car, a nice house, and a ripped body.  I thought I had the whole alcohol thing licked.  

So what happened?  I went to the bar.  Because alcohol had no power of me anymore.  I drank a can of Budweiser and went home. 

That one can of Bud set off a chain reaction that led me into detox facilities, driving my car off cliffs, and losing the respect and trust of everyone I love.  Most importantly, my girlfriend, now my ex, the woman I was going to marry.  

Obviously, alcohol is anathema to my life.

But I'm drinking as I write this post.  Why the hell would that be?  Well, there's a reason an alcoholic drinks.  There are beneficial effects from intoxication when someone has mental illness.  Intoxication in and of itself isn't the problem.  It's the underlying issues that alcohol numbs out that are the real problem.  

But I'm tired of numbing out those issues.  If I don't stand and face this shit on my own, I'm going to end up institutionalized or dead.  

So tonight is my last drunk.  One last dance with the devil.  And in the morn, I face myself.  I face my truth.  And it's going to hurt.  These chains I've forged are heavy.  But by hook or by crook, I will break them.  That is the one promise of this blog.

I will stand.

And I will be free.  

See you tomorrow.